Love, Pursuit, and the Friend Zone

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis

I don't blog much and I should probably learn to choose my topics more wisely but alas, I am still young and foolish. I rest confidently in the fact that for now I'm pretty sure only my mom reads these blogs (hi mom, I love you). However if there ever was a topic I would get blasted on it would be this one criticizing how girls react to pursuit. Honestly I don't think girls get it... Partially because guys don't get it. Lately though, I have been getting a little frustrated that Godly men are not getting the chance they deserve. There are a lot of loaded terms in this blog that I'm not going to take the time to elaborate my definitions of, such as what a Godly man is. This is a blog not a doctoral thesis so read it as such.

The Chase

Every girl I talk to wants to be pursued. I'm okay with that, I believe it is Gods plan for man to initiate and pursue a wife. Men are called to leave their parents and their comfort zones to find a wife (Genesis 2:24). Men are also clearly called to assume the roll of initiator and leader in marriage (Bible). If he will not initiate or lead now, a ring is not going to change that ladies. But what is the role of the girl in all of this? That is something I believe is discussed too little and something that has become annoying to me as of late.

My Thoughts

I like to lead off with the Bible in any opinion I have. Honestly when considering the scriptures used to discuss dating and such, context is quickly forgotten and proof texting becomes prevalent. So lets debunk two common misuses of scripture or should I say, common pet peeves of mine...

1) "The One..." Well as soon as you find a verse to warp into a proof text for the romantic idea of "The One" let me know and I'll tell you why it's out of context. So far no ones really come up with a verse so for now its just a modern philosophy the church has adopted. So how does that play into allowing yourself to be pursued ladies? It frees you to get to know guys. It takes away the fear of missing "The One" and frees you to use wisdom and guidance to make a choice after you have got to know someone a little bit. It also frees you from being manipulated by an overspiritual boy that confuses you by saying God told him you are "The One." Just remember, getting to know someone does not equal giving your heart away. 

2) "Jacob pursued Rachel for 7 years so you should be able to put up with me playing a little hard to get..." No, he bought Rachel for seven years of labor. She was promised to him in exchange for his efforts. No promise comes with a man pursuing you and trying to navigate his way through all of your walls and games. Guard your heart but learn to recognize when a man deserves it and let him have it (that's a whole topic in and of itself). Dating is a modern phenomenon and has been linked with the rise in divorce rates. Pursuing a woman is also a modern concept, at least how we understand it today. Today men pursue women alone apart from the guidance of her father or spiritual and physical protector. The Biblical example of pursuit is a man pursuing the blessing of the girls father for her hand in marriage. Please do not misunderstand me here. I'm not saying women should be bartered for without any say in the matter. I am saying men should pursue the father or spiritual leader for permission to court his daughter. But I digress... Women quit using rachel as an excuse to play impossible to get. You have value, you are a treasure, and you deserve excellence from any man trying to love you... We get that, but throw us a bone alright? Quit playing games and weighing your options. When a good man comes along and jumps through a few initial hoops, give him a shot.

A man pursuing a woman with the permission and oversight of her father is awesome. A woman playing games is not awesome. Any man willing to go through your dad or pastor to get to your heart is a man worth giving a chance to. Your dad or pastor should be the first and only hoop a man should have to jump through to get a chance to pursue you. Not your list of "Ten Things I Want in a Guy" or your defenses from past bad decisions. 

I know what your response is so far ladies, "Well if a good enough man ever pursued me I might respond better!" And thats where my next point of frustration comes in... 

The Friend Zone

I have a few friends that occasionally ask me for advise... I don't know why, I'm single and have two cats. These friends have been finding themselves stuck in the Friend Zone lately and are desperately searching to understand why. It is simple... girls are more superficial than they care to realize. I find it funny how the list you comprised in 9th grade of what you want in a husband gets tossed out the window when the guy looks like Channing Tatum. Truth, amen, and ouch!

Over the Years I have seen many great guys get filed away into the dreaded "Friend Zone." I think it very strange that girls who continually say they wish guys would care less about physical appearance and more about personality are guilty of having guys in the Friend Zone due to their less than hollywood appearance. There are many reasons why a guy might find himself trapped in the friend zone, few of which seem valid, and the excuses girls give tend to be just as numerous and just as invalid. Probably the most overused reason to not date a great guy that loves Jesus aside from lack of attraction is "The List." Every girl I know has a list of things they want in their husband.  I bet you if you were to take out your list right now and read it you would find that Jesus himself would not be a candidate for your husband... Also, he's probably too ugly anyway and he wouldn't dress nice enough or have a good enough income (when he was incarnate... now he's banking money). If Jesus would be stuck in your friend zone you have issues. Just to clarify, obviously you would be in Jesus' friend zone because he didn't date. 

So what am I trying to say? Look in your Friend Zone, reassess why he's there and maybe give him a chance. Yeah he's goofy looking but you'll be ugly too some day and he'll love you more than ever. If he is a Godly man that can lead you he deserves a chance. If you're afraid of breaking his heart by giving him a chance then realizing it really would not work... that's the chance every man takes when pursuing a woman. He can handle it. The greatest compliment a man can pay you is to put himself honestly on the chopping block to ask if he can pursue a God honoring relationship with you... If he does that, give him a chance what do you stand to lose?

I conclude with wisdom from Taco Bell...

A Bunny, an Egg, and an Empty Grave

     Easter is a favorite time of the year for most church leaders, myself included. People are passionate about the Gospel and eager to invite relatives and friends to what tends to be, the most exciting church service of the year. In our western version of Christianity we pull out all the stops, renting stadiums, putting on big productions, putting more prep into one sermon than all of last months messages combined. Easter is a big deal to us. Is that really how it should be though? Don't get me wrong... I firmly believe that the death, burial, and resurrection of the God who came to save us is the single most profound event in the history of eternity. That's just it though... Why is such a wondrous event only celebrated with due zeal once a year?

What is Easter? Really...

You may have put two and two together and realized the the word Easter isn't in the Bible. Nor does the Bible talk about bunnies that lay eggs... that I know of at least. So where do these traditions come from, and how did they become a part of what we as Christians celebrate as Easter? Well, like most traditions in the church today (especially those revolving around holidays) it started with a pope, that thought blending Christianity with culture was a good idea. Pope Gregory the Great (540-604) thought it would be cool if we incorporated pagan traditions of the British Isles and pre-christian Germania into Christian festivals to make the pagans feel more "comfortable" with Christianity. While his intent was to turn Pagans into Christians, his method was really no bueno... Syncretism = Bad + Always. So long story short, the pagans of that day worshiped a goddess by the name of Eostre who was represented by a bunny. Hence the name "Easter" and of course the cute little bunnies that bring us eggs. This spring festival and all of its bunny loving traditions were brought over to America by German immigrants to the Dutch-Pennsylvania area around the 1700's. As time progressed the traditions evolved and now we have another day that revolves around candy, weird traditions that no one understands, and of course food.

For Christians, however, Good Friday and Easter are the celebration of the death burial, and resurrection of Christ; the most significant historical events to ever take place. All that to say...

Eat the Rabbit and Fry the Egg

So what am I trying to say? Many Christians can get offended at Pagan traditions that have been a part of Christian holidays for centuries. Should Christians have Christmas trees? Should they paint eggs? Yada, yada, yada... I believe however, that these Syncretistic traditions are nothing compared to the wickedness of our western desensitization to the full Gospel of Christ which is, "that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures." (1 Cor. 15:3-4). 

So why is the Gospel, seemingly, only celebrated once a year in most Churches? I get that it is the anniversary of the historic event (close enough at least), but this event is deserving of much more than being limited to an anual celebration as if it were any other holiday. Easter is the celebration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the gospel should impact our lives daily at a deep level. The joy and energy expressed over Easter should be expressed daily in the lives and hearts of believers. Every Sunday we should rejoice to come together and celebrate the Gospel in community. Instead we roll out of bed un-enthused to sit in a pew for the next two hours. All the while anxiously waiting for it to end so we can go out to lunch and watch football. Call me a party pooper but.... well, I am one!

It's reminiscent of the passion a young couple has for each other. First, their celebrating their 1 week anniversary. Then, it switches to 1 month... 2 month etc. Till finally they've been married for 10 years, they have kids, bills, arguments... and it's hard to even remember their wedding anniversary. This is such a clear picture of how the church treats the Gospel. The early disciples would celebrate daily together... Fast forward 2000 years, we now have our modern Church that meets weekly out of obligation and gets excited annually for Easter. A young couple in love can't stop talking about the other person... It's annoying. The Early Church Couldn't stop talking about the gospel. Now we get the courage around Christmas and Easter to share with friends because it's still culturally acceptable. 

What's the fix?

I admit... I'm a lot better at seeing problems than finding solutions (don't lie, so are you). Could it be though, that the solution to our lack of passion can be fixed by a refocusing on the very thing we neglect to celebrate? The resurrection of Christ. When is the last time you heard a sermon on the resurrection... last Easter? When is the last time you saw a book dedicated to the implications of the resurrection in a believers life? Not even systematic theology volumes written on Christology and Soteriology have any significant focus on the resurrection. 

The truth is we don't emphasize it nearly as much as the death of Christ, yet the two go hand in hand! The death of Christ without the resurrection of Christ is useless to the believer. Paul says, "if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins." (1 Corinthians 15:17, ESV) The New Testament sets forth an emphasis on the power of the resurrected life in the believer since we have been resurrected with Christ. It is a major theme throughout the New Testament. Then why has it been forgotten?

Conclusion

In the words of Relient K, "I'm part of the problem, I confess." I don't think I have ever preached a sermon on the resurrection of Jesus. I do not judge you, but I do judge US. Our passions have wandered far from the gospel. How do I know? Facebook statuses excited about everything except Christ... that's how. I pray that we would turn to the Gospel in light of our wandering hearts and ask God to renew our passion for him. I hope the celebration of Easter becomes an every day realization in our lives and Church communities.

10% of Grace

To Tithe or not to Tithe...Is that the Question?

      Tithing is a simple enough concept... Right? Iwould suggest that maybe it's not as cut and dry as we so often take forgranted. This blog will challenge conventional perspectives on tithing and seekto present, what I would suggest, is a more biblical perspective of financialstewardship and God's requirements on our finances. Don't label me a hereticand stone me just yet. All I ask is that you open your mind and heart to letthe word of God speak truth and if you disagree, I would love to hear from youregarding where I am mistaken. I am far from perfect nor have I fully arrivedtheologically and I hope I never assume that I have. 

My intent in writing this is not to condemnpeople who tithe faithfully, nor is it to suggest that we have no financialresponsibility to the advancement of the Gospel. My intent, however, is to freepeople from the obligation of giving %10 and release them into the grace ofcheerful giving.  

This is not an important issue to say the least... It is only a secondary biblical issue. No one is going to hell because they do or do not tithe. 

The Bible vs.Our Prejudice

If you've grown up in the church or haveever attended church, you are probably familiar with the concept oftithing. I still remember sitting in a church service scribbling randomness ona tithing envelope. On that envelope was a pie chart with a picture of aquarter and cut from that quarter was a slice representing ten percent. That'swhen it hit me; a tithe is ten percent of our earnings. I thought I wasa genius in that moment (I was 8 it didn't take much).

I started to realize over the past few years thatmost of what I knew about tithing was second hand knowledge. That's always adangerous place to be. This leads me to ask you, "Have you ever studiedtithes for yourself?" If not, I would encourage you to begin looking intowhat the Bible teaches about tithing (it's actually very interesting). Stop reading right now and read yourBible.

Lets be honest, we have all (mostly) grown upbeing taught that tithing is a biblical principal that we are supposed touphold. If you are a Christian you should tithe. Is that really true though?What if I told you that tithing was not common practice in the church until thefourth century? That's about 75 years after the Council of Nicea. Doesn't thatstrike you as interesting that they didn't practice tithe but we do? It wasalso about 75 years after the Roman Empire (through constantine) endorsedChristianity, which was the beginning of the decline of integrity in churchdoctrine and practice.

What does the New TestamentTeach about Tithing?

Honestly nothing... It is not found in NewTestament teaching that Christian believers should give tithe. It is not evensuggested as an occasional practice let alone normative within NewTestament writing. You may disagree with that statement profusely (I would saybased on prejudice rather than scripture). Many base arguments fortithing out of Matthew 23:23 and Luke 11:42 saying that Jesus endorses tithe,but that would require a shallow exegesis of those passages. 

In Matt 23:23 Jesus said, “Woe to you, scribesand Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and haveneglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness.These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others."

Jesus is not teaching that tithe should becontinued. He is rebuking the Pharisees because their legalistic attempts atupholding the law were not enough. If you use this verse to argue that Jesus isespousing tithe, you should probably know that tithing mint, dill, and cuminwas not commanded in the Mosaic Law, but was added into the oral tradition ofthe Rabbi's and practiced by the Scribes and Pharisees. So if Jesus isespousing them to continue in this tithe (which he's not) he would beencouraging them to fence the law of God, therefore contradicting himself inother passages where he rebukes fencing the law. Jesus is not espousing them intithing, he is rebuking them for their legalism and neglect of the true purposeof the law.

It is important also to note that Jesus istalking to Pharisees here. These are men who are obligated to uphold the law.By saying they should have tithed he is simply telling people obligated tofulfill the law that they SHOULD try to fulfill the law, as it was their duty.As Christians we are not obligated to fulfill the law because Christ fulfilledit for us (Matthew 5:17). I would suggest a quick study of Galatians 5 tounderstand our freedom from the entire law and the consequences associated withburdening yourself by trying to uphold any one part of the law. 

Lastly we need to recognize that he is tellingthem they did right in upholding THEIR law, not God's law. Tithing mint, dill,and cumin was pharisaical law that went far beyond the tithe God required. Manis bound by his own conscience. Their conscience was subject to the laws theysubmitted themselves to. If your conscience leads you to tithe... then tithe!If your conscience says it's okay to eat meat sacrificed to idols... eat meatsacrificed to idols! "All things are permissible but not all things arebeneficial" (1 Cor. 6:12, 10:23). All I'm saying is you don't HAVE totithe! Unless of course your conscience makes you. 

So What's the Alternative?

So if we don't have to tithe what do we do withour money? The truth is the Bible requires a lot more than %10. An early NewTestament believer would laugh if you told them they had to give %10. Why?Because they already signed their own death sentence by accepting Christ.Throughout the New Testament we see Paul espousing christians to give as theysee fit. Perhaps the most abused passage used during mini tithe sermons is 2Corinthians 9:6-9. The funny thing is that 2 Corinthians 8-9 teaches theopposite of obligatory tithe which is... Grace. 

The fact of the matter is that we as Christiansare to give as we see fit. I would suggest that if our heart has trulyencountered the grace of God our desire to give will far exceed that of %10.This is what the early church experienced and what Paul praised the church inMacedonia for doing (2 Cor. 8:1-5). So before you start to think I'm saying weshouldn't give money to the church for the advancement of the Gospel, let mejust say that I believe we should give... and give in abundance, according tothe Grace of God in our lives. 

Just for Fun: What is OldTestament Tithe?

The Old Testament is where most churchesgather their Christian concept of tithing, more specifically from OldTestament law. The funny thing is most Christians don't even know what the OldTestament tithe even consisted of (myself included before this study). So letstake a closer  look at what the Old Testament tithe really was.

Now some of you may say that tithing precededthe law... and you are absolutely correct. Did you know though that it alsopreceded Abraham and Melchizedek and likely all biblical literature altogether?  Tithing was a common practicethroughout the middle east and was the standard method of supporting a templeor sanctuary of worship. Tithing is not and was not limited to Christianity orthe Judaic Law. When Abraham tithed to Melchizedek (Genesis 14:18-20) it wasnot out of religious obligation or obedience to a command from God, neither was it setting an example for Gods people.Rather, it was in following the tradition and culture of the time. Why is thisimportant? By understanding the nature of Abrahams tithe we see that tithing asa Christian concept should only be debated in reference to the law and NewTestament teaching. Not extra biblical culture or practice as is displayed byAbrahams tithe. Basically... you can't use the fact that Abraham paid tithe toprove that we should pay tithe even though we are no longer under law.

So what does the Old Testament actually teachabout tithing? Your guess is as good as any other theologians, but seriously.There are things we know for sure about tithing, but in reality... It'sconfusing. There are so many different references to tithe throughout Mosaiclaw that it is hard to distinguish what is what. From this confusion manydifferent theories have arose. One example is that there were different typesof tithe, possibly in upwards of three, which add up to %23.3 not a mere %10 asis widely taught today. Beyond the speculation and assumptions what do we KNOWabout biblical tithe?

Here's a short list

- It was a requirement of the Mosaic law.

- It was intended every three years to providefor the poor, the fatherless, the Levites and a 1/10 of the 1/10 was to go tothe priests.

- It was to be from livestock and grain

- You could give thefinancial equivalent of grain plus an extra %5 if you preferred, butthis did not apply to livestock.

- It was to be taken to Jerusalem every year andconsumed there in a giant feast/party in celebration of God. 

- If Jerusalem was too far away you could sellyour livestock and grain to then purchase either food or strong drink tobe consumed in Jerusalem. 

The list goes on and on, but what I want us torealize is this: the tithe was to provide for the levites and the priests. Thekicker, however, is they would consume their own tithe at a giant party (Deut.12, Deut 14). Most Christians probably wouldn't know that (again I didn't). Thetithes were not stored up in some holy barn for Gods enjoyment. Gods enjoymentin tithing came from the people celebrating his provision by eating anddrinking. Tithing was not instituted to take care of a building, church,temple, or any other place of worship. It was to provide for those who servedin the temple and to supply a feast for Gods people.

Conclusion

I'm tired of writing about tithes so... goodbye! Be blessed ya'll